Courage and Memories

 Life got in the way of blogging. Holidays got in the way of blogging. Work got in the way of blogging. Art and journaling got me through the holidays and life's curve balls. In August, our beloved fur baby Coco, aka Coconut Jenkins Wyatt, got sick. Had to be rushed to the Animal Medical Center hospital. He was treated (fluid drawn off sac around his heart) and they said to bring him back in three months for a checkup. In about a month we were back. More treatment, seemed okay. Then he had a seizure. Again rushed to AMC. Then he got sick again, this time the fluid was around his lungs. We couldn't touch his tummy, couldn't put a coat on him. Couldn't bathe him. Then he wasn't the same, got sicker every day. Wouldn't eat his favorite foods. The day after Christmas, we took him to AMC. He crossed the rainbow bridge. Somehow that week I managed to get to work and push my way through the loss. Concentrating on work was better than walking around the apartment crying. Every little thing was a trigger for crying and feeling the loss.

Journal memory written on December 30 after meeting a little girl on the 6 train

It was the Friday before New Year's Eve, a little after five, Coco had died just after midnight three days before. I was riding the 6 train home from work. A mother with a baby boy in a carriage (not a folding stroller, so they must have been from out of town) and a little girl about four got on the train and sat next to me. The girl was wiggly and jiggly and even with my headset on and iPhone music cranked up I could hear the mother asking her repeatedly (and patiently) to sit down, to turn around. After a few stops she was still wiggly, so instead of playing a new game of FreeCell, and grooving to my oldies, I went to my photo album and clicked on pictures a four-year old might like: paper dolls with wings, handmade sock monkeys, some of my more whimsical art and craft creations, and the occasional silly Barkpost dog doing silly human things. We didn't say anything to each other, just looked at photos together.

After a while the little girl--who interestingly looked a lot like me at four--pointed to a picture of Coco, so I made it larger for her to see. She bent over and kissed the screen and smiled at me. My heart melted. I felt like she was a little messenger from Heaven telling Coco that he was loved and remembered.

With all that happened in 2016--the changes at work, family health issues, the loss of Coco, the social and political climate in the country--I chose the word "courage" for my 2017 word of the year. I know I will need it and I hope I will find it when needed.

Courage journal page, with Dina Wakley face stamp and Artistcellar Om stencil.

Sanded Paper Stencils and Journal Pages

This journal page is about a dream I had. Ever since childhood, I have had a fear of alien abduction. I dreamed that a spaceship was coming to take me, and instead of cowering in fear, I looked straight at it and it got smaller and smaller and turned into a tiny dragonfly, then flew away.

Sometimes it is hard to choose between making art, writing about making art, and spending time doing "shameless self-promotion."  I often get so busy making art I don't realize that I haven't found the time to write about it. Sometimes I get busy taking photos to send to magazine or book editors in the hopes of getting published. Often times I get sick of everything and just make art. On days when I actually have time to take my full lunch hour, I eat quickly and then pull out my journal and paint for rest of my lunch time. So, here are the journal pages, ATCs, altered rolodex cards and other things I have been working on lately.

Journal page about why I love NYC, with all its grunge.

This was a lunch hour journal. The top right corner is a doodle that I made while talking on the phone, which I tore and glued to the page. I added color and enhanced the lines.

On this journal page, I tried a new technique that I read about on the Cloth, Paper, Scissors blog. I tucked stencils under magazine pages and other colored papers, then rubbed sandpaper over it until the stencil image emerged.

Lunch hour journaling--random rambling thoughts and flowing color, with deli paper overlay of white diamond-plate stencil.

ATC with layered painted deli paper, newsprint and stamps

ATC from rqandom art supplies

Altered rolodex cards

Altered rolodex card

Earth Day postcards from recycled junk mail

Altered rolodex card back

Textured ATC

She Always Knew She Could Fly Doll and Scribe-Muse Journal Page

She Always Knew She Could Fly

This little paper doll's body was made with a Retro Café Art template and commercial scrapbook paper. I had already used the doll for my Empowerment Paper Doll a while back, but I cleverly saved the paper it was punched out from, and used it as a template, carefully tracing the shapes onto some pretty pink scrapbooking paper.

The skirt is a little piece of a paper towel that had been used to wipe up the overflow from some spray dyes. A section of paper towel, about five or six inches long by three inches tall, was gathered at the top, then tied to the back. It is secured with a paper flower cut with a punch and a floral mini-brad center. The wings were stamped on white paper. The shoes and crown are Graphics Fairy royalty free images, printed on cardstock, and the face is mine--from my kindergarten photo. The background is painted deli paper.

It reminded me of the innocence of childhood, before there was anyone telling you what you could and couldn't do, believing anything is possible, exploring the world. The crown represents the feeling of magic, of believing you have special talents, and the wings represent the freedom to fly and soar and be your best self.

I was the scribe, I was the muse journal page exploring past lives

In a similar vein, I have been thinking of past lives, what I would have been, and who I would have been there with. Of course there is no way to prove my theory, but I have always felt a connection to Illuminated Manuscripts and wondered if I were one of the monks or scribes that helped create some of the beautifully illustrated pages. This journal page is the beginning of my exploration of that thought. The doll parts, face and butterfly wings are from the Graphics Fairy. The crown/halo didn't work out the way I intended. It is a piece of a pink Gelli Print on deli paper, done with a lacy stencil. Journals are the place to allow yourself to be imperfect. The page is not exactly what I visualized, but I hope to do a series of paintings in this theme on my upcoming art "stay-cation."

Journaling, Deli Paper and Gelli Plates

If I love art journaling, does that make me a journalist? Is there a special name for someone who combines their artistic experiments and random thoughts in a journal? Jane Davenport coined the terms Artomology and Artomologist. Mostly I love art, but I also love to write. Sometimes I get so busy doing art that I forget to post to my blog. And sometimes I get immersed in writing and forget to paint.

Glancing through my newest journal, I realized I was waaay behind in posts. So, here are a bunch of photos of what I have been doing over the last few weeks. Topping of the list of what I have been doing lately is that I took a great course at the Ink Pad with Julie Balzer. (Here's the link to my blogpost and photos of the art I made in the all-day workshop.) So many people in the class loved printing with Gelli Plates that I broke down and bought one. I didn't go all "cray-cray" as Julie would say...I just got a little one for about 10 bucks. I have been playing with it with mixed results. Mostly the prints are sloppy because I am sloppy. Kind people say I have a loose hand, and I deeply admire people with great control and the ability to make fine, detailed paintings and drawings. But, in the spirit of embracing my own skills, I need to let go of the need for control and perfection and roll with my sloppy side.

These journal pages use a lot of Artistcellar stencils, especially Jane Davenport's faces, some of my favorite Julie Fei-Fan Balzer stamps, markers, inks, acrylic paint, newsprint and paper scraps. The group of ATCs were made using the Ink Pad's exclusive NYC stencils, designed by Michelle Ward.

I created a little pocket to tuck in small items that I want to be sure to use in future journal pages.

Experiments with deli prints, stencils and stamps

Experiments (on left) with tweaking my handwriting, and (on right) with layering deli paper and gelli prints

ATCs created with layering gelli prints, acrylic paint, papers and
Michelle Ward's NYC stencils, exclusive to The Ink Pad

Collage of candle packaging and Artistcellar's small and large chakra stencils

Unfinished journal pages. Orange tabs of deli paper were added to
handmade journal for strength and stability.

Journal collage with random thoughts and random elements

Experimental page using Jane Davenport's tilted up stencil, Artistcellar
pocket stencil flower, chalk, white pen and washi tape on black cardstock

Experimental page with stamped eyes, Jane Davenport face stencil,
Julie Fei-Fan Balzer stamps and random thoughts

And the Winner of the Sacred Geometry 2 Stencils is...

...tada, drumroll...Congratulations to Shay Stone, who is the lucky winner! Shay was very excited to find out that she had won the set of 4 Artistcellar Sacred Geometry 2 stencils, and I hope she has great fun playing with them. I wish there could have been more winners.

So, here are the experiments I did in my journal with the new stencil set. Some of the effects were interesting, so I may explore them further. I especially like the rainbow/flower effect with the little white spirals. I used a white Signo pen--my very favorite white writing instrument. You can also see the notes I scribbled--and that I wasn't all that impressed with the idea of deli paper 60s flowers. But after the lightbulb went off in my head late one night, I made the idea work. If you missed my Flower Power Shoebox, just click the link.

Quick sketches with Tombow brush tipped markers and a white signo pen

White ink and white signo pen on red paper, over-stamped with a black lace style stamp

Multicolored soft inks stamped through stencil,
with black lines and stream of consciousness words

Bottom corner was stenciled with turquoise acrylic on deli paper
 and added to journal page of random collage elements 

Fear of Blank Pages and My New Journal

Breaking in a new journal is hard...all those blank pages staring back at you, daring you to do something, and your inner critic saying "don't mess it up! Be brilliant! No smears, nothing sloppy, nothing trite!"

To overcome the dreaded blank journal page, I made my previous journal with colored cardstock, which helped a little. For my latest journal, I went a step further, using some delicious commercial scrapbooking paper and some painted deli paper instead of blank pages.



Randomly painted colorful deli paper was used for the journal pages.
Two thin sheets of painted deli paper were put back to back and glued
together with matte medium to form each page.

Commercial printed paper and painted deli paper covered the
folder cardboard, and signatures of colorful paper were sewn in
to each fold.

For the journal cover, heavy cardboard was covered with my
own fabric, which I designed and was printed on cotton by Spoonflower.

 

Pieces of commercial scrapbook paper was cut to size for
some of the journal pages.

The unfinished journal, with both commercial paper and
painted deli paper.The tied signature pages are visible.

Once the journal was done, I still stared at the pages and thought "oh, this is too pretty to mess up!" But I pressed ahead and worked on the page anyway.

First completed  page of the new journal

I used a beautiful photo of a poppy--one of my favorite flowers--that was torn from a Spring fashion catalogue. It went nicely with the pink painted deli paper background. In my stash, I found a little bottle of Lumiere acrylic paint, so I used it with some stencils to add texture.

Then I added words that popped into my head. I am always thinking about art--designing some new project in my head, or doodling, or scribbling down ideas or taking a photo of something that inspires me, so I wrote those thoughts.

Some of the pink painted deli paper shows through, which is much more interesting than the standard white page.

After the first journal page was done, I was on a roll, so I also finished part of a shared "hands" project. Originally we were going to start painting or drawing on a hand shape, then mail it around and each person would add a little bit...kind of like a chain letter. However, one of the participants decided to make a book, so I took her blank hand shape, and used it like a little journal page, applying stamps, stencils and words randomly to the front and back.

Palm of hand, with Julie Fei-Fan Balzer stamp and
Artistcellar stencils

Front of hand, with stamps, stencils, paint and markers.

Just Mixed Media...and Me

Two page spread of my handmade journals in the premier issue of Just Mixed Media

A few months ago I submitted some photos to the editor at Scott Publications, with the hope that they might be included in a new magazine they were putting together. I sort of forgot about it, until I saw a Facebook post from Sheri Welser about her artwork being included in the magazine. I was at work and couldn't rush to my mailbox to see if by some miracle any of my artwork was included in Just Mixed Media.

 I saw, on the right side of the page Sheri photographed, a little edge of the next page that had a partial sentence: "Linda Ed..." and "Faux Ra.." and realized that my Faux Raku container was on the page beside Sheri's work. Some crazy happy dancing occurred in the aisle of my office.

When I got home and found the new issue in my mailbox, I flipped through it and found that they had not only included my Faux Raku piece, but a full page of my folding ATC paper doll. I flipped through and found a double spread of my handmade journals and journal pages. Wow! Even more happy dancing, but this time the whole family danced. My husband wanted to buy 100 copies and send them to everyone he knew. (I nixed that number, but did order a few extras for my archives of course.)

A few years ago I was creating fiber art almost exclusively. I still love it, but stitching and cutting through layers of fabric, batting, and backing is a "no-no" with my neck and shoulder injuries, so I switched to mixed media, working mostly with paper and paint. In some ways it was easier--painting on paper is much easier, and less complicated--than trying to get original designs onto fabric. And paper is soooo much easier to cut. And it is much faster to create artwork with paper--no pins, no basting, no stitching required.

The learning curve was a little steep. There were so many new techniques and new products to explore. All kinds of new (new to me) blogs and websites and articles to read.

It had been a few years since any of my work was published, and I was getting a little discouraged, so being part of Just Mixed Media was a good boost to my mental health.

Hopefully I am on a roll. Not that I create art with the intent to be published--I don't. I create because there is an energy in me that wants to be let out, a need to make art and express myself. I don't aim to see artwork; it is almost always too personal to part with. I like to write about it and share photos on my blog or other electronic outlets. But is sure is nice to see my work in print.

Will They Remember Me in 100 Years?

Journal Page, February 13, 2016

A few weekends ago I purchased something I swore I never would: somebody else's paper. A big, fat, gorgeous 12"x12" pad of delicious India-inspired thick paper. Since much of my career was spent as a textile designer, I shied away from purchasing commercial paper, preferring to either print my own designs or paint the paper myself.

I decided not to save the pad of paper, tuck it in a closet, forget I have it, and find it a year from now. Or two years. So, I have been making a lot of small mixed media items with it. The leftover torn and cut pieces became this page. The center figure is not anyone I am related to, nor anyone famous as far as I know. It got me wondering who she was, and also what would become of my own photos. Will someone pick up an album 100 years from now and wonder about me, or my child, or my husband?

It also made me wonder about past lives. Was I a Gibson Girl like her? I have an affinity for clothing of the turn of the century, and a feeling of belonging in old New York, a feeling that I may have been around for the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire. I get panic attacks from extreme heat, which kind of makes me wonder why.

Journal Page, February 7, 2016

Here is the journal page I made last weekend, using earth tones and sepia shades...kind of a different palate for me, but one I do love. Part of the journaling process is pushing through and doing something that might be uncomfortable, and learning to live with mistakes.

The page was really pretty before I added the stamps and writing, but once they were there, there was no turning back since I used ink that was NOT water based. The stamp color wasn't quite right for the background, and the shapes were all wrong--too bold for the subtleness of the background. The beauty of journaling is that it doesn't matter since I am not selling it or submitting it for publication.

The olive green strip at the bottom is a soy batik I made years ago. the map-like card in the top middle was a gift from another artist, as was the stamp and small tag. The swirly and cross shaped stamps were hand carved a few years ago onto an art gum eraser.

Here are the two journal pages side by side...I kind of like the way they look together. The contrast of the soft greens and soft pinks hint at spring.

Pray Love Dream

With 2016 still unwritten, just into the month of January, I got thinking about where I am and what I want. Really want. I know what I don’t want: a show, a gallery, a gig teaching online, or an Esty shop. My artwork is too personal to sell. I do give it away to people that I know will appreciate it, but I really have trouble parting with original work. It usually comes out of a place deep inside me, and has a lot of meaning. It is like giving birth. Each piece of art, each journal page is special, different, and definitely not perfect. I also don’t have time to make a bunch of little items just to sell. They would have to be good enough that someone would buy then, but not so good that they were too special to part with.

As a child I dreamed not of being famous, being the next Picasso or Monet. I dreamed of being a commercial artist. I dreamed of seeing my designs printed on walls and cloth and brochures and posters. And that is what I have been. Over the years I have been a textile designer and print stylist, and then newspaper and magazine layout artist.

A couple weekends ago I asked myself “what do you really want?” I meant art-wise. Of course I want world peace. I want the sick healed, the hungry fed, the lost found. So, I made a list in my journal of what I want, then I painted on top of it with my new watercolor set. Just a little color to pretty up the white page. Just enough to enhance, but not enough to cover the words. I said them aloud. I prayed on it.

A couple days later my name was on the short list of finalists for the Cloth Paper Scissors “design your own stencil” contest. With luck, my design, and stencil, will be in the May/June issue. I felt like my prayer had been answered. I know not everything people pray for happens. But this time, I really felt the universe was answering my call.

So, later in the weekend I finished an unfinished page. It started with a Jane Davenport stencil (called the ¾ stencil) that I tested out using an ordinary ballpoint pen on a white page. It was blah. So, I added some watercolor. And a little more. Then some colored pencil and some scribbles with marker. It started to shape up. Still, it was missing something, so I added words. First I added the big ones. Then I filled in with thoughts about going after your dreams, about how saying them out loud and writing them down helps make them real. I wrote about failing and not being afraid to fail.

As a little kid I dreamed of being an artist. That dream was not supported by my parents. After I got a degree in another field, I went back to school and did what I REALLY wanted to do. I knew couldn’t spend my life in the wrong field, wondering what if I went New York, what if I had tried to have an art career. So, I listened to my inner voice—not my inner critic—and never looked back.

Journal Collage with Random Elements

Journal Spread using mail art and random elements from my art stash

Artists collect, reuse and recycle. For many, their studios are full of boxes and bins and shelves of  tidbits that are too interesting to throw away, but somehow have not yet found a place in their art.

These two journal pages use up the outside of an envelope that arrived from New Zealand, a face that started with a stamp, and vintage paper doll parts from the Graphics Fairy. I added doodles, washi tape and marker.

There is no hidden meaning. The white writing on the black background are words that came to me after I finished gluing the big face to the page; they are what she might say or what people might say about her for having a big head and tiny arms and legs. Around the head are words that were printed on silk. The words go alphabetically from A-Z and are leftover from a project that I did about two years ago about ABCs of Life for an artist.

Making these pages did not make too much of a dent in my hoard of arty bits and pieces. I still find myself buying new supplies. Some women can't resist shoes, some are always trying new recipies, some can't walk by the makeup counter without buying something new. My addiction is art...but it keeps me sane and happy.

Wondering About Life and the Road Not Taken

 

"Wondering" journal page with words added

The recent holidays were kind of a dry spell artistically. My few journal pages that I had time for looked blah. Looked safe. Looked okay. But they lacked the spark, the feeling that you get in a creative moment, or creative streak, when you feel inspired, when you try new things, when experiments work beautifully and even the messes are kind of good.

A few new supplies from The Ink Pad were just what I needed to kick-start my 2016 art journaling. Some Julie Fei-Fan Balzer stamps caught my eye, so they came home with me. A stamp of eyes from a famous painting spoke to me, and they too came home. Some paint, some stamp pads and a new white signo pen, and I was revved up and ready to experiment.

I started by testing the stamps on brown paper bags to see how they looked, and rotating them to form patterns--well, I am, at heart, a textile designer so making repeating patterns is second nature. The Balzer stamps are kind of like what I would carve if I had time, a big studio, and an undamaged shoulder. And of course skill at detailed carving...which I kind of don't have.

I ended up with 4 or 5 new pages in my journal. On the last page, I combined a stamp of the eyes, and added part of a Jane Davenport stencil for the rest of the face. I pulled out my watercolors and randomly added color. At the bottom, I used leftover strips of painted deli paper and some of the experiments with the new Balzer stamps, along with some recycled washi tape (from an envelope).

"Wondering" before the words were added

I thought I was done, but the page seemed to be missing something. The next day I added words that came to me as I looked at the page. It made me wonder what my life would have been like if, at any point, I had taken an different fork in the road. I realized that I probably would have ended up at the same place. Art, and wanting to be an artist--more than  anything--drove me. New York was like a magnet, and I couldn't imaging living anywhere else. I couldn't live with myself if I had never tried to be an artist, and never come to New York.

Probably some details would have been different. I might have gone to a different college. I might have taken different classes, had different teachers, different friends. But the big things I needed to do, the big life lessons that needed to be learned and experience...I am guessing would have been the same. We don't get a do over in life. In art, sometimes. The beauty of doing digital design is that you can save something, duplicate it, and then experiment of the copy. If you don't like it, you can delete it. Life has no command Z. Journaling is more like life--you can paste over, repaint, cut out something you don't like, even cut up the whole design. But you still never get back to the blank page exactly as it was. It stops some people from experimenting. Sometimes it stops me, but when something is really important, when an idea is really driving me, I work through the fear of failure and push ahead.


New stamps that sparked my creativity