Finding My Inner Warrior

Inner Warrior Priestess

The last two weeks have been awful. No one died. I am healthy. And I have many blessings. I spent a lot of time counting those blessings while my heart broke and my eyes overflowed with tears, while I tossed and turned and my mind re-lived the trauma of the corporate axe. In the big scheme of things I was fortunate. Very fortunate and blessed. I used my art to work through my many emotions, my angry times, my sleepless nights.

The backstory is that the company I worked for terminated nearly 400 executives two weeks ago. Maybe I saw it coming...but I didn't want to see the handwriting on the wall. I felt like a woman whose boyfriend was cheating on her with a brainless floozie. My boss could barely make eye contact with me. Our meetings were rushed. He acted weird. I thought, naively, "Oh, it's the stress of the coming layoffs, it's not personal, it's what he has to do on Friday." But then the phone rang about noon. I nearly collapsed on the walk from my office to the other side of the hospital to the firing room. I did my breathing exercises, blowing out for more counts than I was breathing in so I didn't hyperventilate or have a panic attack. He talked, I breathed out like a woman in labor as the rhetoric swirled around. "It has nothing to do with your job performance...we are eliminating executive staff with no direct patient contact...yadda, yadda, yadda."

I went back to my office and packed up. My work friends gathered around for support. Gave me hugs. Helped me pack. I didn't cry. They did. I finally cried two days later. I got angry. I painted. I cried. I painted. I cried some more. I updated and honed my resume. I bumped up my LinkedIn profile. I applied for jobs. I went to post-employment seminars and a jobs fair. Thankfully I was offered a new position at another location, this time with direct patient contact. I took a big, big hit on the salary. I am reinventing myself in the business world, tightening up the family budget, and hanging on to my pension fund and healthcare. So I am blessed. I am looking ahead, not behind. I am trying to let go of anger and hurt and resentment. I am channeling my anger into emotional and spiritual power. And I am painting.

The Inner Warrior Priestess journal page started with a Jane Davenport face stencil. I outlined it lightly in pencil, then added my own lines for the body, hair and background. I used Portfolio water soluble oil pastels for the face and background colors, blended them with a wet paintbrush, then added watercolor pencils, TomBow brush tipped markers and other accents. When it was dry, I placed Artistcellar mini chakra pocket stencils on the appropriate place for the third eye, throat and heart chakras and used black Archival ink with a mini dabber to create the stenciled shape.

I revisited my Jane Davenport beautiful faces CD to get the eyes and cheek color the way I envisioned it in my mind. The words came to me at the very end, and I added them with a black sharpie marker.

Prior to creating the Warrior Priestess page, I worked through my various emotions with an assortment of techniques.

Page from my mini journal. Words were added while in the waiting area of Post Employment.

This is a mini journal page. The words and shapes were doodled while in the waiting room of the Post Employment office.

The words on this mini-journal page were added during a long, long wait in the Post Employment office.

The words "I am resilient, I am the phoenix" kept playing in my head to the tune of the Beatle's "I am The Walrus" so I painted it. The marker was not water-resistant so it ran, but the runny words echoed my teary eyes.

My friend (who was terminated in the first round of layoffs) was amazed at how resilient I was, so I painted the words "I am resilient" as a mantra. I didn't like the sloppy look when the markers ran and the words blurred, but it did echo my emotional state.

This scribbly floral journal page has many layers of paint, markers and gesso and was a way to channel my anger and emotions.

After I was offered a new job, I was so relieved and thankful, and I came home and painted the "Joy" journal page.

The day after I accepted my new job offer, I created a romantic, sepia-toned journal collage expressing my gratefulness for all that I DO have. The little angel photo was a gift from an artist friend, and seemed especially appropriate. I stamped the word "trust" with sepia ink and added "the universe" with a sepia pen.

Up-Cycling Leftover and Imperfect Artwork

I used to open the refrigerator and look around for something to eat for dinner and close it saying: "Nothing good in there to eat." But my roommate Susan had a knack for cooking, and would rummage around and turn the leftovers into something delicious. Our deal was that Susan cooked and I did the dishes...we both thought it was a good deal.

In the past few days, I decided to apply Susan's creative cooking technique to my art stash and UFOs. First, inspired by a class I took with Julie Balzer, I made a new Junque Journal. I alternated pages of painted deli paper (doubled together with matte medium for strength) with really pretty commercial 12"x12" scrapbooking paper. I decided to try machine binding the pages because I had a shoulder injury and hand stitched binding would have been painful.

Here is the cover I chose: painted deli paper with 6" Artistcellar chakra stencils. (Artistcellar also makes small chakra pocket stencils) The spine was created with some old hippie style trim I purchased years ago on sale. Not a perfect match, but not too bad, and since it is a Junque Journal, it didn't matter.

"Junque Journal" with cover made from painted delipapr and Artistcellar Chakra stencils

The first page I worked on has a beautiful fashion figure that was an illustration in a recent FIT Alumni News magazine. It reminded me of why I came to New York, how much I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was young--but afraid to try, afraid I wasn't any good. I eventually ended up going into the fashion business and found my niche as a fabric designer. It was an uphill battle against parents and teachers who had other ideas of what I should do with my life. I wrote my memories on the page with white and purple ink.

An illustration from FIT's alumni magazine sparked some memories, which are written on the journal page.

A few days later, I decided to use up small ATCs and scraps that were too pretty to throw out, but not quite pretty enough to trade with my Paper Traders yahoo group. Adhering them to some Retro Cafe Art mini gothic arches gave them a new look. I made a duo and a triptych, and hinged them with 1" pieces of elastic and mini brads.

Leftover, imperfect ATCs were used to create this butterfly themed gothic arch mini triptych.

Leftover and imperfect ATCs were the base of this mini gothic arch duo.

On Election Day, I decided to use up some splattered watercolor paper that was hanging around. I cut the pages in half, then folded them, stitched them, and viola...I had a new mini journal. It needed a little something on the cover, so I grabbed my favorite Artistcellar pocket stencils, some Michelle Ward NYC urban-themed stencils, some ink, a cosmetic sponge wedge, and just played. Little did I know that the words I stenciled would have even deeper meaning as the election results began to come in.

This mini journal has 4.5" x 6" pages, with a simple stitched binding.

Sacred Geometry Chakra Mandala...and a Blog Hop Too!

One of the first things I thought of when I unwrapped my package of Artistcellar Sacred Geometry 2 Stencils was—wow, these would make great mandalas! A few years ago I did “lunch time mandalas” where I took a CD, traced around it with a pencil, and filled in the circle with color and shapes. Some of the designs became fabric, which I used in art quilts, and some were used for other fiber art creations.

I experimented with all four Sacred Geometry stencils in my journal, trying soft inks, graphic black on white, assorted colored markers, and white inks on red paper. I tried them with acrylic paint beautiful scrapbooking paper, and on thin deli paper. The results were good, but not inspired.

Then I noticed a pretty piece of paper that had been hanging around my art bin for a while. I had painted some watercolor paper a soft pink, and then printed a circle texture over it using white printmaking paint and bubble wrap.

I liked it, but didn’t know what to do next. It sat in the box for about a year. Inspired by the Sacred Geometry 2 stencils, I decided to try using a round, flat stencil brush, and pounced my favorite shade of turquoise (I mixed white acrylic with turquoise Dina Wakley acrylic) through a sacred geometry stencil. It looked pretty good, but I put it to the side to dry and thought “what next?”

I used the same turquoise shade and printed several stencils on white cardstock. I was wishing that the stencils had a positive/negative image, but since they didn't, I flipped the wet stencils over and used them to get the opposite image, carefully pressing the wet stencil down on the paper with a paper towel.

I got a little creatively reckless and began overprinting stenciled images with different colors, and then I got even more reckless and began printing one stencil over another. I ended up with a whole bunch of multicolored pastel prints.

I also incorporated my Artistcellar mini chakra pocket stencils here and there. Again I thought “what next?”

The lightbulb went off in my head, and I realized two things: the mini chakras could go in a circle on top of the pink and aqua bubble wrap/stenciled paper, so I carefully used a blue mini ink pad to apply color through each small stencil. I did not measure, I just “eyeballed” the placement of the chakra stencils.

I decided that the multi-colored/multi-stenciled paper prints would make a good background. For many years I sewed and made art quilts, so cutting the paper into 3” squares seemed like a natural next step. I pulled out my green cutting mat, ancient long metal ruler (that I purchased in 1978!) and an exacto knife, then sliced the multicolored printed papers up carefully.

This paper print uses most of the set of 4 Sacred Geometry 2 stencils,
as well as the Chakra pocket stencils.

The sliced printed paper using multicolor prints of
Sacred Geometry 2 with Chakra pocket stencils.

I chose the squares I liked best, arranged them as a border, alternating lights and darks and varying the color, then carefully taped them together on the back.

Before adhering the center piece to the border, I “aged” the edges using a combination of sepia Adirondack ink and a brown chalk ink. The 12” x 12” piece is currently hanging on my living room wall, above my art table, and it is a constant reminder to me to remember to regularly slow down, breathe, meditate, and rest.

Here's the really cool thing: if you leave a comment on this page of my blog, you might just win a free set of stencils. All you have to do is leave your name and a comment. Easy peasy!

And please visit all the other artists who are part of the Artistcellar Blog Hop celebrating the release of their new stencil series: Sacred Geometry 2. You can leave a comment on their blogs for a chance to win the free stencils...plus, they are all awesome artists and worth a looksee.

February 29th - Lisa Cousineau/Artistcellar
artistcellar.com/blogs/news
 March 1st - Stephanie Gagos

http://www.stephaniegagos.com/blog/ 
March 2nd - Lisa Chin

somethingcleveraboutnothing.blogspot.com

 March 3rd - me!

March 4th - Sarah Trumpp

http://wonderstrange.com  

March 5th - Effy Wild

http://effybird.com    

March 6th - Guadalupe Brizuela Cabal

http://guadasartplace.blogspot.com  

Throat Chakra Journal Page

When a new box of art supplies I recently ordered arrived, the first thing I wanted to use were the new Artistcellar chakra stencils. They still have the little ATC-sized chakras stencils too, but some of the fine detail is hard to get (if you are a messy, loose-handed artist like me!)

Well, I am a little rusty on my symbolism, and pulled out the first one that caught my eye, a pretty triangle/heart combination. After I looked up what it symbolized I should not have been surprised--it is the throat chakra symbol.

For at least the past 20 years, that has been the chakra that I needed to work on. Why? Panic disorder overwhelmed me back in about 1992 and I got to the point where I couldn't even speak. I had agoraphobia also. I suffered from frequent sore throats, and even had a barium x-ray to see what was wrong.

 Finding my voice, using my voice, getting over the fear of speaking, and even being able to actually speak took a long time and a lot of work.

Although I had a problem using my voice, I did express myself through art and writing, and also began to study reiki as part of my healing process. So, 20 years later the throat chakra is still the one that calls to me from a pile of stencils.

I used a painted deli paper background on the journal page...something that I learned about (and love) from taking a recent Julie Fei-Fan Balzer class. I chose to use one of my painted papers that had a lot of turquoise; blue is the color of the throat chakra. I used an ordinary pen to trace the shape, then filled in with lime green marker and lime silk acrylic paint. Why lime? Well, I love it, but also, it is the color of the heart chakra.

After the chakra design was done, it seemed that the page needed more, so I added some words that felt appropriate using little alphabet stamps and Dina Wakely empowerment words, applied with a black archival ink stamp pad. Last, I added little dots of turquoise lumiere paint. I always seem to put dots in my journal pages...why, I don't know. They probably symbolize something, so if you know, leave me a comment please.

For the extroverts of the world, this the reason I repeated the word "brave" many times: it takes an enormous amount of energy and focus and bravery to beat panic disorder, and to learn to speak up without stuttering, stumbling, opening your mouth and having no sound come out, or worse--crying.